Cosmo’s Charm School with Cosmo Queen of Melrose
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Oh, honey! I am blessed by the presence — and presents! — of the most glamorous girl in LA: the one and only Cosmo Queen of Melrose. After she gets me suited up in a custom outfit, she graciously teaches me her cool and confident ways, but you’ll have to tune in to see if little ol’ me ends up a charm school graduate. During our time together, I also get to hear all the wild stories behind her iconic clothing store and all the things that got her to where she is today, like her sobriety.
You can now buy my debut book, Paper Doll: Notes from a Late Bloomer, wherever books are sold. Follow me on TikTok and Instagram at @dylanmulvaney. Stay up to date with Lemonada on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at @LemonadaMedia.
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Transcripts
SPEAKERS
Sender 1, Dylan Mulvaney, Cosmo
Dylan Mulvaney 00:00
Class is in session here on the Dylan Hour today. Is this an okay time because we have potentially one of my favorite humans I’ve ever found on the internet. I have done such a deep dive on this person. There’s so much lore. And when I was preparing for the episode, I was like, I want to learn anything and everything that this person can possibly teach me. And so I was like, you know what? We’re going to charm school today. And it is Cosmos charm school, because today’s guest is no other than the iconic Cosmo Queen of Melrose. Welcome Cosmo.
Cosmo 02:09
School is open.
Dylan Mulvaney 02:10
School is open. Oh, my God, it’s happening. How are you?
Cosmo 02:14
Good, how are you doing?
Dylan Mulvaney 02:15
Oh, I’m so happy. I feel like a little well, you walked in here and you said I looked 12, and that was the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to maybe 13 I’m starting my chest is growing amazing. Now tell me we have a little cocktail. She’s sober, she’s queen, and so we’re calling it Cosmos pink coconut protege.
Cosmo 02:43
You because with the outfit and the hair today.
Dylan Mulvaney 02:46
Let’s do first sips. First sip.
Cosmo 02:48
Yes, girl.
Dylan Mulvaney 02:50
Oh, that’s nice, honey. It’s giving, like.
Cosmo 02:54
Delicious.
Dylan Mulvaney 02:54
It’s giving Bora. Bora, oh, it’s amazing. It’s giving, like, um, on an island in the sun. You know that one?
Cosmo 03:02
No. Two more, give me a few more bars.
Dylan Mulvaney 03:06
We’ll be playing, having fun, and I’ll make me feel so fine I can’t control my brain.
Cosmo 03:14
Who sings that?
Cosmo 03:15
Weezer.
Cosmo 03:18
Oh, okay, I missed that one.
Dylan Mulvaney 03:21
But okay, let’s talk bitters and sweets after now that we’ve had our first sip Cosmo, um, bitter and sweet of the week. My bitter is that I feel like LA is not what it used to be. I like LA is not hitting the same way that I want it to. But my sweet is that if anyone can get me back on the LA train. It’s you.
Cosmo 03:42
Oh my God, you are way too kind. Thank you. Oh my God, for you. Girl okay, so listen, tell it okay. It’s been bitter. Is I just came from New York City, where I’m from, okay, and I went there after COVID, and I was done with New York. I’m like, New York is trash. I don’t ever want to see New York again, but they just flew me out to do a campaign, which is quite glamorous, but New York City is clean, like somebody literally lifted the city and scrubbed it. There wasn’t like.
Dylan Mulvaney 04:13
Who was it?
Cosmo 04:14
Maybe the dolls.
Dylan Mulvaney 04:15
The doll you think the dolls, but we’re scrubbing.
Cosmo 04:20
That’s what we’re doing. Like Josephine the plum only. Yeah, girl yes, with that skirt on, yes and no panties. But anyway, I can see that now.
Dylan Mulvaney 04:31
Now, okay, so that was, was you going to New York a bitter or a suite?
Cosmo 04:35
So it, I thought it was going to be like a bitter, you know, because, like, New York’s not New York anymore, like when I lived there in the 80s and 90s and stuff, and the village was the village, and fashion was fashion. And then I went there from with my sister after COVID, and, like, there was none of that going on. It was like, Really, just dark, and nobody was dressing in fashion. It was filthy dirty, you know, kind of like, LA, yeah. And. Um, but now it’s clean. It’s amazing. I’m like, walking through Fifth Avenue like they’re playing ping pong. Does it make you want to move back? I want to move back. Oh, I want to. I do love LA. That’s the sweet Okay, Queen of Melrose.
Dylan Mulvaney 05:15
But now maybe queen.
Cosmo 05:16
I love Melrose. I still love Melrose. I’ve been there 30 years on the record, yes.
Dylan Mulvaney 05:22
We still love Melrose.
Cosmo 05:23
Yeah, we still love Melrose. You know, that’s why, you know the fame came because I wanted to bring Melrose back. And I think you did, yeah. Well, I brought my store back, but this still needs a little help speak for anyone else. So it still needs support over there. I’m telling you children go to Melrose. It’s a fabulous place.
Dylan Mulvaney 05:43
Okay, so the sweet is that New York is clean because the dolls have been scrubbing it, yes. Okay, how about your bitter of the week?
Cosmo 05:51
The bitter my ankles, they are now can cause, yeah, I think you look amazing. Yeah. Thank you, sweetie. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. No so I went to New York, and then I go to my sister. It’s a big Italian thing, right? And we were gonna go visit the Mob Wives, because I’m gonna be on their show. They’re gonna air it in a few days. Oh, my God. So we’ll go to Staten Island, the whole like, all the Mob Wives, like my sister is a mob wife, and we were all going to get together and make meatballs and sausage and a sauce on Sunday. So my sister did that. But I did tell her, every time I go there, if you go to Italian house, there’s always like, pepperoni and Brasso and all this salty stuff. And she goes, I’m not going to get back. She goes, because I know you’re not going to be able to fit in your shoes, Cosmo. You got to walk around Manhattan. Long story short, I go there, and her friend Kim comes over with the pepper. She always does, what the source?
Dylan Mulvaney 06:54
She always says, No, she didn’t get the text chain, don’t bring Cosmos, ankles […]
Cosmo 07:00
Memo anyway. So we got that was mob wise. It was Sunday dinner. It was amazing. We all connected. And I just felt like that love for New York is like back, like New York’s back. So, no, I do want to stay in LA, because I love LA. Okay, I love where I live, too. But I wouldn’t mind having.
Dylan Mulvaney 07:20
A little bit more time, maybe a little pie to tear, what they call a little chateau, a little a little bit tweak. What part of town would you live in? In New York? Do you think in New York?
Cosmo 07:29
Um, well, I lived in Queens, yep. But I would definitely want to get a place in Manhattan. For sure, what party? For sure, the village such a vibe. The village is still the village. It’s always like, the vibe is amazing.
Dylan Mulvaney 07:40
The influencers are taken over a little bit there. Lot of blondes, making video content in the village.
Cosmo 07:46
Yeah. Watch out. Don’t even look like they’re from New York. Like you don’t see any dark hair. You’re like, where are you from?
Dylan Mulvaney 07:51
Speaking of fashion and boutiques? You have brought me an outfit. I’ve bought you a little something to try on. And so I think this is step one of Cosmos charm school classes in session, so step one is the look now talk us through while I stripped out. Do you have like a strip song for me? Could you give us a little we could just do […]
Cosmo 08:28
Yes, oh yeah, oh, my God, I did say I’m gay, but I would probably hit that.
Dylan Mulvaney 08:35
How many times? Okay, three times for.
Cosmo 08:38
Yes, and then I’ll take your husband anyway, but I’ll give it back.
Dylan Mulvaney 08:42
Yeah, I’m now getting naked, which I’m a very comfortable nude.
Cosmo 08:46
I love that. Could I get naked too? We’ll do the next show. So talk me through. Okay, this is a little something. It’s a collab, because Eugenia and her mother are designers from Russia, and they so amazing.
Dylan Mulvaney 09:02
Who’s Eugene?
Cosmo 09:03
Eugene is My Girl Friday, my manager, my everything, okay, if it wasn’t for Eugene, I wouldn’t be like talking to you right now. Deal, yeah, yeah. Well, I probably would, but I would be in Ralph’s yeah. Okay. So anyway, talking about guava on sale, but so do we made this little collab.
Dylan Mulvaney 09:25
Oh, my God.
Cosmo 09:26
There you go. It’s kind of like it’s kind of minimal.
Dylan Mulvaney 09:29
Okay, so it’s, it’s minimal, which I do, yeah.
Cosmo 09:31
But minimal couture, minimal couture, snake that goes around your neck, and then we have this like you’re gonna go golfing , a little day of the week. Can I get up and please? Well, yeah, crown you. I come to you. So this is snake couture. This is one of the things we make in the store. Everything has kind of. A theme. Everything is like one of a kind. So we love this piece because we love, like the side cleavage and then also Buck cleavage and just cleavage, cleavage, cleavage in general. But there you go. I fucking love I’m turning into Joan Rivers. And then it’s optional. I select the option, but there you go, honey. Are they pants? They’re pants connected to shoes.
Dylan Mulvaney 10:30
Oh, I’m obsessed with this. Oh, my God, talk me through the boutique. How does it work?
Cosmo 10:39
Okay, so the boutique has been been on my rose for 30 years, and everything is specialty and custom made. So there’s no there’s no repeats. We do have a website, though. What’s the what’s it’s Cosmos, glam squad. And then we have Cosmo and Donato. And then we also have a shoe store called shoe whore LA, and then we also have queen of Melrose website now, so that’s a new one. So that’s all, like, my merch, and it’s all some fashion on there. So you got, you got the three stores, girl, and then you got shoe whores. Don’t forget Shoehor LA, are you okay? Girls? Do you need, like, um, a drink and a line of coke. She’s sweating, to the oldies, like with like Richard Simmons, she’s sweating, okay, that is, I mean, just pull it up a little above the chonies. Yeah, yes, girl, beautiful.
Dylan Mulvaney 11:38
See myself. And I think I just live in this for a while.
Cosmo 11:41
Sit back. Did you love what we brought you?
Dylan Mulvaney 11:43
I’m obsessed, I It feels very like pop star, kind of like, I don’t know. It feels like a new air. What would you call this era? For me, it’s very.
Cosmo 11:53
Paula Absol. Remember that song? She’s a cold hearted snake. Look into her eyes. Uh oh. She’s been telling lies. You don’t know that song.
Dylan Mulvaney 12:05
I’ve heard it once or twice again. Paula, I’ve met her in person. She’s so tired so little. Have you ever dressed her before?
Cosmo 12:11
No, my friend Maxine, who did my lashes a little while ago, she does her makeup. Yeah.
Dylan Mulvaney 12:17
Okay, so now that I’ve got this look on, would you like to spritz me with whatever this is?
Cosmo 12:23
Could you read the label Charlie?
Dylan Mulvaney 12:25
It says, my cunt exclusively by Cosmo. Is this my audition to be the face of my cunt?
Cosmo 12:34
Yes, you could be the face. This is the outfit you’re wearing your cunt.
Dylan Mulvaney 12:38
Yeah, I don’t know the proper terminology you want to give me a. Okay, how about that? What are the what are the undertones or the What am I? What am I picking up on? Oh, wow. Oh, it’s really expensive.
Cosmo 12:54
Yeah.
Dylan Mulvaney 12:56
Oh, natural. It’s very feminine. What else are you getting?
Cosmo 13:03
I like sweet. Smells me too. You know? I like when I wear this and a man comes to my bedroom, he just takes his clothes off immediately. Yeah. I like the power of my fact that this is happening. I like the power of my cunts.
Dylan Mulvaney 13:16
Yes, I hope my cousin can be as powerful it’s getting there.
Cosmo 13:22
You know, I’m sure it’s gonna Yes, it’s a little fresher. It’s a little fresh. Yes, uh huh.
Dylan Mulvaney 13:30
You’ve put a lot of things on a lot of different kinds of people.
Cosmo 13:33
Yes.
Dylan Mulvaney 13:34
The one that made me really giggle was Shaquille O’Neal.
Cosmo 13:37
Yes.
Dylan Mulvaney 13:37
How did that happen?
Cosmo 13:39
Okay, so Shaquille, you know Deontay Wilder. He’s the heavyweight champion, boxing champion, for a few years. Okay, so his girlfriend stumbles in my store. She says, my boyfriend is a boxer. He’s the heavyweight champion of the world. And this is his costume. She goes, it looks like Party City. So she goes, can you do something? So we created these looks for Deontay Wilder, okay, so we did five looks for him, and then we did this epic look, the last look, and then he lost the fight. And they blame me and my partner, Donato, for making the outfit too heavy. So they said he lost the fight because of the outfit. Oh, but on LA Times, the cover said the outfit won and Deonte lost. In other words, he just got his ass kicked. Don’t blame the outfit, because nobody’s buying.
Dylan Mulvaney 14:30
Never blame the clothes.
Cosmo 14:31
Yeah, exactly.
Dylan Mulvaney 14:32
It’s never their fault.
Cosmo 14:33
Right exactly. But how do you feel in this little snake situation?
Dylan Mulvaney 14:36
I feel really this feels a little edgy for me. It feels a little um, like I could go either, like maybe be in an Indiana Jones movie is like the temptress in, like the Temple of Doom, right? And I just, I feel what’s so good about this is now the world really gets to see a different side to me, which is what I brought you on here to do is to show me a little culture, teach me a thing, or. To and this feels like you’re teaching me, like this kid is getting sexy in a way that I don’t think I really have. Yeah. I think this also you don’t really think you have. I’m getting sexy.
Cosmo 15:09
Exude that.
Dylan Mulvaney 15:10
Thank you.
Cosmo 15:11
And the funny part, the ones who really own it and exude it, the ones that are just gullible and they’re not aware of it, really, yeah. Oh, that’s a beautiful Yeah, yeah, yeah, I feel like this outfit When it walks into a room, it says, I have sex at least three times a week. You know what I mean?
Dylan Mulvaney 15:29
Like people aren’t wearing shoes for pants if they aren’t getting regularly laid. Do you agree?
Cosmo 15:36
I agree so Deontay Wilder, he saw he was the heavyweight champion, so he lost the fight. I made him this fabulous outfit me and my partner had laser beams coming out of it and Caesar’s Palace. And so after that, Shaq meets Deontay at a party and says, Who made that outfit for you? He goes, I need an outfit. So anyway, the next day, even with all this crazy press that the outfit was too fucking heavy, Shaq face time. And I’m like, oh, my God, it’s Shaq. He goes, Cosmo. I’m like, yeah, he goes, could you make me an outfit? So I was like, for what he goes, I am a DJ. So I says, oh, okay, so anyway, he came to the store next day. No, I had to meet him at Jimmy Kimmel.
Dylan Mulvaney 16:27
Also, Shaq does not seem like someone who is intimidated by a heavy outfit. I think that he could handle it.
Cosmo 16:32
He handled it girl, he handled it. So we met we met him. We made this big, huge apparatus. Okay? He flew me to Atlanta to actually put it on him, right? Hotel, everything. Hung out with Shaq. And, you know, he was so fun.
Dylan Mulvaney 16:51
It was for his DJing event.
Cosmo 16:53
His DJ event. Okay, so anyway, I thought it was like hip hop, but when I walk in there, it’s like raver. So there’s a bunch of, like, little girls with glow sticks. And I’m like, wait a minute, does it need to hip hop? Like, what’s I’m fucking good.
Dylan Mulvaney 17:05
What a multi hyphenate. I’m confused over here. I want to go to a rave that Shaq is DJing.
Cosmo 17:12
We have them often.
Dylan Mulvaney 17:14
What are we doing sitting here, I’m already clearly fucked. That’s what I’m that’s what we’re getting me ready for.
Cosmo 17:21
Let’s go, girl.
Dylan Mulvaney 17:22
Okay? But then what would you call your personal style? Like, like, a separate from the store. What like? What is your esthetic?
Cosmo 17:29
I just do like, what inspires me, you know? So it’s like, you know, growing up in the 60s, you know, I am 61 years old girl.
Dylan Mulvaney 17:37
Amazing okay, so, but your style is kind of, it’s all, it’s all over the place, but you were, did you have any of that? Like, 60s retro flare?
Cosmo 17:45
I give you 60s, 70s, 80s. Like, I mix it up. Like, sometimes I’m like, full Stevie Nick gloves.
Dylan Mulvaney 17:50
Are very what are these 80s, right?
Dylan Mulvaney 19:20
I feel like step two to our charm school should be kind of like teaching me how. To tell a good story, because I’ve been obsessed with you. You do these incredible stories, whether it’s on podcast, talk shows, your own content that is, like epic. Now, were you born with great stories, or were the great stories thrust upon you?
Cosmo 20:19
I gotta say both. Okay, yeah, because.
Dylan Mulvaney 20:21
You were born into quite a wild family of characters. So that helps. We’re in that was in New York. Harlem, and we’re, what, how did you fit into the family dynamics?
Cosmo 20:35
Light in, that’s the whole, that’s the whole, fabulous. Yeah,
Dylan Mulvaney 20:43
She didn’t.
Cosmo 20:44
Yeah, they’re like, when did you come out as a child? And I was like, I was never in you know,
Dylan Mulvaney 20:50
That’s how I felt, I was so fat, but um, is, did you ever have any gender stuff come up for you when you were young?
Cosmo 20:57
Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, like, I like, you know, when Bucha says you’re born this way, you’re born this way. You know what I mean? It wasn’t a decision I made, like, at 10 years old, and be like, I’m gonna go out with men. I literally thought that I was a girl, okay? And I was, like, three years old, and I would put towels on my head and wear my mother’s high heel shoes and go by the window, and I would be like, I’m, look, I’m gonna marry Johnny Osmond. Johnny Osmond was like, no question about it. It was like, the Justin Bieber of those days.
Dylan Mulvaney 21:26
Is he Mormon?
Cosmo 21:27
Yeah, he is still family Emory.
Dylan Mulvaney 21:30
So you were planning, you were willing to, I was gonna say transition to Mormon. You were gonna
Cosmo 21:36
Have done it, yeah.
Dylan Mulvaney 21:39
Does he on your radar, like, has he been in the store before?
Cosmo 21:43
No, not Tony Osmond, but he was the big deal at that time when I was a little baby, yeah. And then my mother’s, like, my father’s my father in the mob. So you men can’t.
Dylan Mulvaney 21:54
Your father was in the mob?
Cosmo 21:55
Yeah.
Dylan Mulvaney 21:55
Okay, I know a little bit of lore, but yeah, for those of us who don’t, yeah, was that like knowledge to you when you were young?
Cosmo 22:05
No, I just, I thought it was normal. You know what I mean? Because everybody in my mob have a name, or is it just the mob? Basically the mob. There’s, like, a lot of names behind it, but it’s basically the mob, yeah. So I grew up in Harlem, and it was all mob so my family wasn’t the only one. Like everybody family was kind of mob related.
Dylan Mulvaney 22:26
When did you find that out?
Cosmo 22:28
When I when I got a little older, and I thought I was Michelle Pfeiffer by the pool, like in, you know, and getting driven to school, you know, I had a lot of privilege, privileges, like, I went to a bad neighborhood, bad schools, but we were always driven, like, in a limousine or a Cadillac to school by these Mob Wives, you know.
Dylan Mulvaney 22:51
What do you think of the mob wife esthetic that’s really come back. I think it’s amazing. So epic. I think it’s red lip amazing, so cute. How about have you, I, I’ve had a few of my doll friends tell me that they’ve dated some mobsters before. Like, sometimes the mobsters, like, a trans woman, have you found that to be true at all?
Cosmo 23:09
Very true.
Dylan Mulvaney 23:10
Really? Yeah okay, so that isn’t just
Cosmo 23:12
So they don’t really talk about it, because it’s, like, taboo, but yeah, that is because there’s some things you just don’t it’s like, it’s such old fashioned like values, you know what I mean.
Dylan Mulvaney 23:23
But why? But why do you find them going for the the dolls?
Cosmo 23:27
I think everybody’s going for the dolls. Thank you. You know? Yeah, the dolls are the new white meat, you know? I mean, just like I […]
Dylan Mulvaney 23:35
Whether they’re dating us in public, or.
Cosmo 23:38
Everybody wants us all, I thought so they’re not admitting it, you know, and they’re hiding behind their.
Dylan Mulvaney 23:43
Pornhub searches are way up right now.
Cosmo 23:46
You know, they come over my house, you know, it’s like, they even love mama, they love the queen of meros, and then, you know, there’s baby seats in the car. But I’m like, okay, you know? Oh, really, yeah. So basically, it’s still taboo, you know, but I think it’s getting a little better.
Dylan Mulvaney 24:02
Yeah, and then were, did you like grow up knowing that you were, like, my life is so cuckoo, insane in the best way, or were you did just this still just all feel normal to you?
Cosmo 24:16
Cuckoo, dysfunctional, basically growing up, yes in the best way. So, you know, yes, a lot of things stem from that life. Like there was, like a little drug addiction, you know, I mean, and there was this and that. But also I went, I wouldn’t change it, because whatever, like, you know, whatever was like, you know, whatever was like lemons. Now I’m making like lemonade. You know what I’m saying? It’s like, it all just comes full circle, right? So whatever like hurt me then made me stronger, maybe the character that I am.
Dylan Mulvaney 24:51
100% so if you were trying to teach me kind of how to be this storyteller that comes into a party, to work a room, to network, what’s your goal? Topic of conversation when you’re like, meeting new people, or, you know, trying to entertain what would you bring up? You know, what?
Cosmo 25:07
I really can’t call it. It’s just the vibe that I feel like when I walk in the room, you know, and I then I read the room, and it’s just a vibe, like, I think it’s a gift. Do you ever feel shy? I do get shy. Me too. Yeah, I get shy. I
Dylan Mulvaney 25:21
I get really weird. Like, if it’s a group of completely new people, I think sometimes I like, I like to feel it out before, but I’ve eaten lunch in a bathroom before, which I think surprises me.
Cosmo 25:33
Yeah, and it’s normal. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with that, you know, like, but some of the best comedians, they get jitters before they go on stage, like us.
Dylan Mulvaney 25:42
Dressed like this, going, we’re so shy. I’m so shy. I’m the shyest person you’ve ever met.
Cosmo 25:51
So true. Now tell us one way to get over your shyness, yes.
Dylan Mulvaney 25:57
What has it been like now on, like watching like Tiktok come about, and, like, all of these stories of yours go so viral. Like, has it brought you? Like, are you glad that, like, now people are, like, using your sounds as trending audio. And like, how does that make you feel.
Cosmo 26:12
Very grateful, very like, I’m amazing. Like, I’m blessed that, like, every day. Like, you know, you know things that used to be because I didn’t want to get on social media. I did not because I, you know, I gained some weight. I’m like, 60 years old now as I was younger, yeah. But then I was like, No, I do not want to get on social social media. But then when I got on and really to sell a dress to like, save Melrose, but then it cut to like, mental health and me helping people get sober, you know, talking about sobriety and, and that’s like, yeah, I’m really grateful. Like, you know. And I never thought, like, the comments, like, you know, you always think like you’re in your mind, like, the worst thing, like, they’re going to be, like, get that fat Queen off the air. Or, you know what I mean, like, your mind, because sometimes is a bad neighborhood, right, right? And then your own worst enemy, exactly, exactly. That’s why I pray and meditate. Like, I meditated away and I, you know, I learned.
Dylan Mulvaney 27:14
Do you think there is a way to do LA and, like, this industry in, like, a healthy way? Like, you, yeah, there. What are your tips for that?
Cosmo 27:23
I believe that, you know, everybody comes with, like, do another record, or, like, get another foot, you know, win that football game. Or, you know what? I mean, it’s like you have to do another song just to be with you. Another song, do another song. Like, I grew up with a lot of chaos, you know, but the way I found a solution, you know? And I had to search for it, and I found a solution, somebody to help me with basically 12 steps, yeah, and praying and meditation, meditation. So basically we just do this in my yard for like, a year. That’s how I got sober. So I think they should really teach something like that in the school system.
Dylan Mulvaney 28:04
Well, this is, this is where it’s starting. I’m, actually, I’m patient number one that we’re testing this curriculum out on, yeah, and I’ve got to say it’s going well, so far, I feel an Ivy League in my future. The third step of charm school here is like, so we’ve made me, you know, obviously a pop star, diva with a little bit of an attitude. But, and can tell a good story, but say, I have a little bit of a mental break, like in and I go a little cuckoo, which I have in the past, I’ve gone through some mental health things. One of my favorite stories of yours was, didn’t you go to some sort of facility where they said, like, beware flying shitballs.
Cosmo 28:44
Oh, that was prison. That was jail.
Dylan Mulvaney 28:46
That was jail, okay.
Cosmo 28:48
Yeah.
Dylan Mulvaney 28:48
Can you talk me through that?
Cosmo 28:51
So when the Queen was out there and she was doing her thing, basically, well, you know, I was on cops, right? No Show cops.
Dylan Mulvaney 29:04
Like, a cop. You weren’t a cop on it.
Cosmo 29:05
No, I wasn’t a cop. I was the victim, yeah. So the culprit, yeah. So I moved to LA. And I really moved to LA to become like this hairdresser, my father had, you know, the mafia guy had a connection. And, you know, hair salon I was supposed to be doing, like Elizabeth Taylor’s hair. It was all hooked up. It was all, but the mobs.
Dylan Mulvaney 29:31
Own the no, it was your connection, okay.
Cosmo 29:35
Yeah, family ties, so.
Dylan Mulvaney 29:38
Baby, right here, right?
Cosmo 29:41
But I didn’t do that. I did the opposite, like I found on cops, yeah, I was on cops, yeah. I started partying like a rock star.
Dylan Mulvaney 29:48
Only one episode.
Cosmo 29:49
Just one.
Dylan Mulvaney 29:50
Just one.
Cosmo 29:50
So that what you got you in jail, though.
Dylan Mulvaney 29:53
No, with jail, it was fighting me with drugs.
Cosmo 29:56
Okay. And in my car.
Dylan Mulvaney 29:58
And then somebody said, Oh, just tell. And you’re crazy, right? Who told you that?
Cosmo 30:02
Okay, so she works for me now, my employee, Crystal, you know, Crystal delight.
Dylan Mulvaney 30:08
I don’t know Crystal.
Cosmo 30:09
She also performs at Hamburg and Mary. She’s absolutely gorgeous. So she’s my best friend for many, many years. We met downtown mccoist Park, so I I’m in jail, and we just, we cross each other’s paths, and I’m like, Crystal, what do I do? I said, first of all, they’re ripping out my hair extensions. I gotta fist fight every fucking I keep on fist fighting. So she braided my hair and real tight. She goes, just stay by me. I got you. So she goes, I said, Now what do I do? She goes, you say that you’re crazy. She goes, say that you’re crazy, and they’re gonna put you in the pill module. And it’s like, Club Med. There’s men, there’s a library. You’re not gonna feel like you’re in jail. I’m like, great. What she forgot to tell me was, I have to get evaluated for two days, so they threw me in this fucking, like Donna Karan fucking dress, and they threw me in this fucking cell, and it says Warning inmates will throw shit balls, yeah? So they do. It was crazy. Saw something. I saw it all. Girl, yeah.
Dylan Mulvaney 31:19
Did you just end up spending two days in there?
Cosmo 31:21
No, one day, because I talked to the therapist, I’d say, and I said, Listen, I have a store out there, a COVID clothing store. Do you like clothes? I said, she goes, well, my daughter likes clothes. I says, Go to Melrose, pick her out an outfit. She went to Melrose, picked out an outfit. The next day I was released. No, yes, and that is the power of fashion, yeah. And a little bit of the mob, wow.
Dylan Mulvaney 31:45
That also.
Cosmo 31:47
Yeah, it helps.
Dylan Mulvaney 31:49
You never got hit by a shit ball.
Cosmo 31:51
Never, okay, I dodged a bullet. You did. Yeah, yeah, those braids were tight, but they were at the braids with tight girl, uh huh.
Dylan Mulvaney 31:58
And then after the So, so after that, you went back to the store. And what year was that?
Cosmo 32:05
I don’t remember cops. Was a while ago. I don’t know that was like four rehabs ago, so I don’t remember but.
Dylan Mulvaney 32:13
But the last one, the four three houses, it was a charm.
Cosmo 32:16
It was a charm, yeah, okay, yeah. I went to Tarzana Medical Center.
Dylan Mulvaney 32:21
Oh, great.
Cosmo 32:21
Yeah, and I went for a I went for a year I went for a year I lived there.
Dylan Mulvaney 32:28
Do you think that’s what they gave you? How long?
Cosmo 32:30
Yeah, I learned how to, like, you know, get up in the morning, like, literally, brush my teeth, take a shower. I mean, like, I had to learn how to live all over again.
Dylan Mulvaney 32:40
And was the store open during that time?
Cosmo 32:44
No, what happened was, you know, now you’re bringing me back. What happened was, so I had my store for 10 years. China, the wrestler, did playboy. She sold more Playboy covers than Marilyn Monroe. She was absolutely beautiful. Okay, so, but she wasn’t beautiful before she had surgery. She looked gorgeous. Oh, so, anyway, she spent a million dollars in my store the first year. Okay, so here I am. I’m Mel rose, a queen from New York, and I’m selling clothes. And anyway, I made my first million dollars. So I was hanging out with like poison and CeCe Deville, all the rock stars. I was hanging out with China, and we would be up for literally nine days because everybody was partying. Then, you know, nobody knew how addicting everything was going to be, that we all ended up in fucking rehabs, right? So, because in the beginning it’s fun the party, right? That is the party were problems, right? And then it’s more problems. Okay? So I went out on my birthday. The store was open 10 years and I’m like, Okay, I made my first million I want to go party like a rock star. So I go out on my birthday, November 2, yep. And I went to I hung out with my friend, Aldo, not, not Aldo shoes. No, not Aldo shoes. Okay? Just alto, yeah, Aldo. He was a performance singer, yeah, hang up. He was friends with George Clinton and that crowd.
Dylan Mulvaney 34:11
I don’t know any of the names.
Cosmo 34:14
You’re a baby. I think you’re a baby. But this is all culture. This is how it all happened, like the drug revolution in Los Angeles. So anyway, I went out on my birthday, and I literally did not come home. I was in Vegas. I was in Miami.
Dylan Mulvaney 34:35
How long we talking?
Cosmo 34:36
A year so my cousins work in my store, and I keep on draining the bank, the bank accounts. Now there’s like, she goes Cosmo, you’re gonna lose your store. You’re gonna lose your store. I’m like, I don’t care. I’m partying like, I’m not having the best time of my life.
Dylan Mulvaney 34:54
Part of it yet? Twin brothers there yet? Or no?
Cosmo 34:56
Oh, that was another one. It’s gonna have to be. But that was the terror. It’s twins growing up.
Dylan Mulvaney 35:01
You had a twin.
Cosmo 35:01
I thought I have an identical twin.
Dylan Mulvaney 35:03
Okay, but was he working at the store at this time?
Cosmo 35:05
No, because he was fighting his old demons. Okay, yeah, because it was like, everything we did, we did together, like, he goes to jail. I go to jail. Yeah. I mean, right, he gets does that twist. He gets the flu. I get the flu. Still to this day, you feel like telepathy is real. It’s so real. Really, so real, even though, like, he’s the boy and I’m the girl, you know, but we’re like, so, like, yeah very connected, yeah.
Dylan Mulvaney 35:29
So you, you left for the year, the cousins are like, Bitch, where the fuck are you? And and then you came back and you were like, I gotta get my shit together.
Cosmo 35:39
So I came back and, like, I was, go with the safe and get the money. I get you just be a maniac. You mean, when you’re like.
Dylan Mulvaney 35:45
Stealing your own money.
Cosmo 35:46
Stealing my own money, right? It’s a party. And then she goes, you’re gonna lose your store. We gotta pay the landlord. I’m like, No, don’t worry about it. You got this. You got this? My cousin, so she was high money in her bra. Her Bloom is like, you know what? I mean? She’s like, stop it. And I was just like, full life reality, like I was just partying like a rock star, and katsu, they call me up, and they go, you lost your star. It’s gone. Yeah, they just and, like, I have really, it’s very emotional to this day, and so I lost my store. So basically, I don’t know if you know Danny Bonaduce. He was on the Partridge Family. Do you guys know Danny Bonaduce? So he was sober at that time, and he’s my customer. He goes, I’m going to help you. He goes, I’m going to give you this 500 bucks. You’re gonna go get a case of beer, whatever, get an eight ball. He goes, I’ll meet you Monday. He goes, you’re going to rehab. He goes to just, I’ll see you Monday. Party like a rock star. Finish party and get it out of your fucking system, Cosmo, because you’re going away. And I was crying. I was like, I can’t believe I lost my store, like I can’t believe like the party was over. Okay? So I met Danny on Monday, we arranged to go to Tarzana. I went to Tarzana medical. I stood in there for like, almost a year. They gave me, like, a house to live in. I had to learn how to get sober again. You know, I was in a lot of rehabs, though. I was at one with Lindsay, hello, hand. Oh, yeah. We had fun. Yeah, it was fun. Seems like it that was on the way. That was when my insurance was good. Girl, I had Blue Cross. Tarzana was like, the bad insurance, and you’re doing a Blue Cross commercial after this. Let’s do it. Yeah. So anyway, yeah. So that’s what happened, yeah.
Dylan Mulvaney 37:42
And I got sober, and now, what does partying look like for you? Like, can you go out and have a good time?
Cosmo 37:47
I am the queen, and the in the club, that’s like, dancing and carrying on. And everybody comes up to me and goes, where’s the drugs to you? Yeah, yeah. Because I’m not a glum blot, like, I got so wrong. Girl, girl, I got sober to have fun. Girl, you know what I mean, I didn’t get sober. I was in closets girl, many years looking on the floor for, you know, just wasted Christmases and birthdays and because, like, the drug just I got me isolated. You know, that’s what it says. Watch you alone, and I want you dead. Now it brings you so now it’s like, I’m just like, every day I’m grateful. Like, you know, I get up, I do my little prayer, my meditation, I talk to my sponsor, I had a few meetings, and I just, yeah. I’m just like.
Dylan Mulvaney 38:33
Cheers to that.
Cosmo 38:34
Yeah, cheers to sobriety. And queen of sober.
Dylan Mulvaney 38:39
Love that.
Cosmo 38:40
And you know what, I don’t judge people that drink either. I don’t I can hang around people who have a drink. You can smoke a joint. Maybe it doesn’t bother you. Maybe cocaine a little bit. I kind of try to stay away from that, but as long as you’re not, like, shooting up under a bridge, you know what I mean? Like, I don’t judge like, if you could be ignore me, I wish I could have a drink and go to bed, or like, go party and have a few drinks. But no, I lost that privilege a long time ago, but I could still hang out with people that party. You know, I don’t judge.
Dylan Mulvaney 39:09
In Palm Springs, yeah, how about now for a segment on the Dylan hour that we like to call what a girl wants. So Cosmo, what do you want your life?
Cosmo 39:24
What a girl wants, what a girl needs?
Dylan Mulvaney 39:29
That’s what that’s exactly what we like to hear.
Cosmo 39:32
So in my life, I just want to, first of all, I want to get in shape again. I want to get in shape. That’s a big one for me. And I want to give back to the community. Like, I think the way, like I’m making an impact on social media, like helping people out. Like, I just want to help people you know, not only like ourselves, though, like everyone you know.
Dylan Mulvaney 39:57
Even just from you know, if I can pay you a compliment. You make me feel like I can be whatever the fuck I want to be, and I can present any way that I want, and I can wear what I want, and I think like you light up every room you’re in. And so that is what I think a lot of people, whether it’s their gender or sexuality or age, whatever it is like, I think it’s you’re giving people permission to feel that way. Thank you. It’s amazing.
Cosmo 40:57
Thank you.
Dylan Mulvaney 41:07
Okay, you know, we’ve done a lot of oversharing on the show already, but I think it’s time for our big overshare don’t care section of the show, and this is going to be a lightning round, and I’m going to ask you a bunch of questions, and you have to answer them quick. You ready?
Cosmo 42:07
Yeah.
Dylan Mulvaney 42:07
Okay. Number one, Dream celebrity to style. It’s a lightning round.
Cosmo 42:20
Beyonce.
Dylan Mulvaney 42:20
Okay, biggest difference between New York and LA.
Cosmo 42:25
The biggest difference the vibe
Dylan Mulvaney 42:30
Period, favorite designer of all time.
Cosmo 42:36
I gotta say, Halston.
Dylan Mulvaney 42:39
Favorite classic fashion icon. There’s so many the time is, there’s a metaphorical clock under us right now.
Cosmo 42:54
There is, okay, I feel it in my.
Dylan Mulvaney 42:56
Okay, let’s, ave a, let me give you the question, favorite, classic fashion icon?
Cosmo 43:02
Paul Abdul.
Dylan Mulvaney 43:05
Pop, girly or rock diva?
Cosmo 43:08
Rock diva.
Dylan Mulvaney 43:12
Best gift you ever received?
Cosmo 43:15
This interview today.
Dylan Mulvaney 43:16
Fuck yeah. Silver or gold?
Cosmo 43:19
Oh, he’s gold.
Dylan Mulvaney 43:20
Pearls or diamonds?
Cosmo 43:22
Diamond
Dylan Mulvaney 43:23
Leather, a lace?
Cosmo 43:25
Leather.
Dylan Mulvaney 43:25
A trend that you wish would go away.
Cosmo 43:31
You gotta get me riled up again.
Dylan Mulvaney 43:33
You want to stand stay?
Cosmo 43:34
Yeah, kimonos.
Dylan Mulvaney 43:36
Yes, oh, I can get behind a rock. Girly kimono any day. Wow, that was fucking something else you have got me riled up, and I think we need to get someone else riled up, because it is time for our last call confession. We have received a call, a voicemail, from one of my followers who would like little advice, and Little do they know that we have Cosmo queen of Melrose to help answer that. So let’s hear it.
Sender 1 44:05
Hi, Dylan. I was just looking for some advice on how to move out at the age of 18. I’m currently living in a toxic household, and I’m trying to move in with my boyfriend at 18, moving into his house with his parents, and then we plan on moving out. But I just want your advice on how to save up and just look for jobs and figure my life out, because I don’t know what I’m doing, how to be 18 in three months. Thank you, Dylan.
Cosmo 44:47
That’s a hard one. I know. Basically, I don’t know, like.
Dylan Mulvaney 44:53
What were you doing at 18?
Cosmo 44:55
Oh, 18. I was a hairdresser.
Dylan Mulvaney 44:59
Okay? So maybe this person just has to go to cosmetology school and everything will be fine.
Cosmo 45:03
Yeah, I would just like, you know, think positive, maybe find, like, a positive group or something, like, just.
Dylan Mulvaney 45:14
How about like, saving money too, for to get a plate a new place, right? Right? I feel like in this is a huge transitional period in time in their life, because I think it’s you’re going from, you know, childhood to adults, and it sounds like they’ve already experienced some things that are probably more adult than child. And I think that I keep a sense of optimism. I think by I think they’re probably going to be really tempted to go out and have that fun and spend the money and, you know, experience life, and I think that’s so important. But also, when they say no to those things, remember what they’re saving for and what that they are hopefully investing in the future of getting out of, you know, their family’s house and building this new life with their partner. I think it’s epic that they do get to, you know, exist with another person, but making sure that they’re figuring out who they are as an adult and not just shared in their relationship. I think, you know, I’ve always been single, pretty much in, you know, short relationships, but I think I’m so glad that I figured out who I am before I invite, you know, someone else into my life to share it with, right?
Cosmo 46:26
Like, stay focused, you know, basically, and, yeah, and just like, you know, just try not to get involved with any of the drama, you know, like the sex, drugs and rock and roll, you know, just like, just stay focused.
Dylan Mulvaney 46:41
If there was one of those to get involved in, what would you tell them to do? Of sex drugs in rock and roll? Which one’s the the healthiest?
Cosmo 46:50
I would say rock and roll, baby, yeah.
Dylan Mulvaney 46:54
Who’s your favorite rocker?
Cosmo 46:55
Uh, Pat Benatar.
Dylan Mulvaney 46:57
Oh, what does she sings?
Cosmo 46:59
Yeah.
Dylan Mulvaney 47:04
There’s our baby. Take my hand. It’ll be all right. Wow, who knew that we had a musical episode, speaking of this gorgeous voice, would you I typically ask every one of my guests, would you be on Broadway? Would you want to be on Broadway?
Cosmo 47:19
I would love to.
Dylan Mulvaney 47:21
Honey.
Cosmo 47:21
like, I would love to, I would love to have a career doing that stuff. You know, I did a few movies in the past, but I would love to, and a lot of reality shows, like, Shaw is a sunset, yeah? Big Frida. You know, big Frida, yeah, I guess she’s my sister.
Dylan Mulvaney 47:34
How about but like, what do you know, what role you would want to take on?
Cosmo 47:38
You know what? You remember, Harvey, I’m gonna go back again. Girl. Harvey fierce, yeah.
Dylan Mulvaney 47:43
I know him. You too. I do we. This is where we also meet. We know Pat benatars. Could you imagine? Like everybody welcome Harvey, but Harvey also has an iconic voice and was in hairspray, yeah. Is that what you want to would you.
Cosmo 47:58
He also made a movie about his life called church Song Trilogy. Oh, my God, would you want to do that? It’s like, kind of, he grew up the way I grew up, crazy story, like he was in the closet with his mother’s dress on. But cut to the boyfriend, the Puerto Rican from the Bronx, you know, all that. Like, yeah.
Dylan Mulvaney 48:17
Would you want to play Edna Turnblad, the, you know, the, hey, Tracy, babe?
Cosmo 48:22
Well, you know, John chabotsa could do it, honey. I think any of us, grandmother, could do it better.
Dylan Mulvaney 48:29
I think you could deliver, so that’s the pitch is, we’re trying to get, what do we call cause, honey, Broadway’s watching, okay, Mr. Broadway’s on, and I got naked on this couch for, for that very reason. First time I’ve had the best time. I feel like I did. I graduate. Is this my cap and gown? Girl, and then apparently you said there’s a gift of some sort.
Cosmo 48:57
We have a gift for you.
Dylan Mulvaney 48:58
Oh, I got merch.Queen of Melrose, honey.
Cosmo 49:04
That is gold. The gift of gold.
Dylan Mulvaney 49:06
Oh, I think I might love LA now, if I can do it with you, I would love to do life with you. You have been one of my all time favorite guests. This might be my all time favorite outfit I’ve worn on the show. I feel like we’re in an episode of like, I don’t know, Black Mirror or the Twilight Zone, or like, I don’t know what this is, but it’s my favorite, and I want to thank you so much for coming on.
Cosmo 49:28
Thank you, baby. Thank you.
Dylan Mulvaney 49:31
Can they find you?
Cosmo 49:33
Okay, so come to Melrose, okay.
Dylan Mulvaney 49:35
Come on over baby.
Cosmo 49:36
Yes so it’s coming over.
Dylan Mulvaney 49:37
Come on over, baby. How to get one.
Cosmo 49:42
Christina girl, are you gonna get up?
Dylan Mulvaney 49:45
Oh, I got a story about her day after.
Cosmo 49:48
Okay, tell me.
Dylan Mulvaney 49:49
Okay, but so they can come to you in Melrose, or they can find you on social media websites.
Cosmo 49:53
So Cosmos Glam Squad on Melrose, CosmogenatoonMelrose.com as well, and cause Cosmos, I mean, shoehorn twisted like cable you too can own YouTube shoe pants, yes, shoes that attach to the JJ, yes.
Dylan Mulvaney 50:16
They also make you this flexible, which is a beautiful thing.
Cosmo 50:20
Which is a miracle.
Dylan Mulvaney 50:21
Great club outfit.
Cosmo 50:23
Yes.
Dylan Mulvaney 50:23
It’s amazing. Okay well, we love you everyone. You’re the Dylan Hour Cosmo Queen of Melrose.
Cosmo 50:29
Bye.
CREDITS 50:35
Want even more of the Dylan Hour? Now is a great time to subscribe to Lemonada Premium. You’ll get bonus content, outtakes and more from conversations with fabulous guests like Joe Locke and Dylan’s dad, Jim Mulvaney, just hit the subscribe button on Apple podcasts, or for all other podcast apps, head to lemonadapremium.com to subscribe. That’s lemonadapremium.com. The Dylan Hour is a production of Lemonada Media. Our supervising producer is Jess […]. Producers are Carmen Laura,Kegan Zema and Aria Bracci. Audio and video production and engineering by Jordan Lynn, Ivan Kuraev and Brian Castillo. Our SVP of weekly programming is Steve Nelson. Our theme song was composed by Daniel Mertzloft and arranged by Aaron Kaufman. Special thanks to Megan Strickland. Executive producers, Stephanie Wittels Wachs, Jessica Cordova Kramer, Katherine Law and Dylan Mulvaney. You can find us online @lemonadamedia, and you can find Dylan on Tiktok and Instagram @DylanMulvaney. Follow The Dylan Hour wherever you get your podcasts, or listen ad free on Amazon music with your Prime membership.
